October and more

Once again we have arrived to the end of the month, October to be exact. This is the beginning of many more months to come for me in GP Mantin I figure. Since the beginning of this month I have begun to contribute to my stay at GP by enlisting as a helper in the house of Elohim; helping in the farm work and whatnot. But truly this month has been quite the interesting time. So many things learnt, revelations received, lines blurred; where to begin?

We start with the farm work. Thus far I am placed in the division of managing the fence repairs. Putting up fences, cementing poles, lifting loads have taken their toll on my body but in the end it is Yeshua's strength that I am using so everyday becomes satisfying both to the Spirit and to the body. Though there are days when I look at my roommate Josiah during his day off, I wish that I too can sometimes sleep in. To sleep in GP Mantin is a guarantee of good sleep no matter how brief it is. Cool, crisp air combined with the chill of the air conditioner results in me looking forward if not to the food, the time of worship, then to the resting. Mmmm. But besides that, the work though intensive and intensifying everyday, is a pleasure. I become witness to the grace of Elohim in Messiah Yeshua because His perfect strength is made manifest in my weaknesses.

Next, Deon; 9 and Philo; 8, Ethan; 7 and Hannah; 5. Sigh. Many times I often reminisce of the silence and the stillness of GP before this rowdy bunch of kids arrived. Then again this must surely be a lesson of some sort from Yahweh to me. His 'humorous' gift to me. He must surely be sitting in the heavens and having a good laugh now. Praise Yahweh for that. What my father has mentioned and reprimanded me for truly struck a chord. Until now, I had not viewed it that way before. Although I somewhat knew that when one takes his prayer slot, it becomes a time of reverence to Yahweh and must be honoured, I had not known exactly to what extent until now. Deon, Philo, Ethan, Hannah, you lot. Looks like it's time to get my act together and ensure that this prayer slot becomes a holy habitation for Yahweh rather than a funfair for the children. Praise be to Yeshua that in His mercy and grace He; through my father has opened my eyes to the truth that a prayer slot is to be taken seriously and not a time for the children to run amok; to pander to the likes of them. I repent for not seeing sooner. Let's make it right now.

Once again, I am reminded that though we all who have begun to serve or have been serving faithfully, that does not mean we are safe from the grasp of the enemy. Even though we are in this ministry, not everyone who abides in the church means that they are automatically saved. I still see traces of tares every now and then during my two months here among the wheats. Oh Elohim, may You grant me in the name of Yeshua the Spirit of discernment so that I may see and perceive, to hear and understand the deep things of Elohim and to differentiate who is of You and who is but the leaven of the Pharisees. In this last days, I am beginning to see the magnitude of the necessity of a discerning Spirit abiding in the people of Elohim. Even if I am serving in GP Mantin now, I am still quite susceptible to the winds of doctrine blowing about and the gossips of men. May Elohim have mercy on me and guide me for I know for certain that unless He do, I will perish.

November has come, October has past. The third month is here and truly I have faith that every month shall be greater than the former. Isn't that the life of a son of Elohim, that every new day brings greater revealing of the life of Yeshua in us and the greater mortification of the flesh in our lives?

-Saturday, 31st October 2015, 1 month 24 days, 0507

Subtle Deceptions

I think I am beginning to understand what it truly means to war against satan. This is a war which one do not have the privilege of letting one's guard down even for a moment, for subtlety is one of the devil's most ancient of devices to use. Sometimes I am even subject to this even when I myself am not aware of it.

It began on Monday, the subtle change took place, one I was not aware of until today. A drowsiness that was quite unnatural but completely founded on logical reasoning  attacked me. It was my off day, I had every desire to rest and rest I did. Although looking back that was my rest and not Yahweh's. Perhaps that was when it discreetly began. In my rest I had plenty of sleep, it was good sleep that I enjoyed. However that sleep carried over unto the night. I was suddenly charged to lead worship that day and needless to say, the drowsiness took hold of me during worship. It was quite a struggle for me to keep my eyes open and lead worship. The rest had a good laugh at my predicament, imagine a worship leader on the verge of falling backwards out of sleepiness. But that wasn't sleepiness, it was warfare.

Praise Yahweh that halfway through aunty Philo saw through and helped me out. In that short respite Yahweh by His mercy refreshed me and led the worship. All glory to Him! However the drowsy effect took its toll the next day during work. Though I had plenty rest I still had to put up quite the fight against this encroaching sleepiness during the farm work. Once again, Yahweh refreshed me halfway through and the work went on smoothly.

The subtlety of living up to everyone's expectation is another fight that I personally had to go through. During the worship on Tuesday where I was once again bestowed the privilege to worship again, I felt the intensity of the struggle within me. Subtle but effective, I must say. But praise Yahweh that whatever is born of Elohim had overcome the world. Now, this deception looking back was quite the monstrosity despite its meek looks. One could easily fall into it just like any other thing. The fine line between the joy of serving Yahweh and the obligation to serve Yahweh is so thin like a tightrope that with one slip, one might fall into the latter category. Though we truly are obliged to serve Yahweh, because He has redeemed us from the world and its prince, it must not become a 'have to' rather than a 'want to'. I am not entirely sure how to describe it. To go through the motions day in day out sometimes takes its toll but the thing is with the Lord, every day is different. So much so that even if the same thing is repeated every day it will still be different. After all, the mercies of Yahweh are new every morning. It's best if we don't fall to the same sin of monotony like the children of Israel in the wilderness. Although they had the privilege of tasting the manna from heaven and to see miracles daily, they fell into monotony and desired something more.

-Wednesday, 29th October 2015, 1 month 21 days, 1012

Rest

I am already having slight difficulty in remembering exactly how long I have been here at Glory Place, Mantin. Yes, it's been a month and a half now but the days are just accumulating like nobody's business. Time seem to fly by faster as each day passes. Truly, praise Yahweh.

I am still adapting to the times and the seasons in this place. Though I have yet to find suitable alone time together with Yeshua, I thank Him for His abundant grace and mercy that I am able to redeem the moments together with Him during my farm duties early in the morning even unto the closing of the day with my prayer slot of 1am - 3am. Truly it is the practice on the field which tests one's closeness together with Yahweh. More so when every work I do, every conversation holds remembrance of Yeshua in it, it becomes hard to not be connected with our living Elohim.

Thank Elohim for my father who has given me insight to this ministry. It is not how much we can do; because no flesh should glory before Yahweh and our works sometimes tend to carry over to the self more than we think. It is not how good we do it; because no one is good except Yahweh. It is about rest. Resting means to enjoy the good labour which the hands brought forth. To rest is to stop and relax, go receive, enjoy. And we can, in Yeshua! When He died for us on the cross, all the works that had to be done, all the promises that have yet to be fulfilled, were all brought to completion through Yeshua Messiah. In Him dwells the fullness of the Godhead bodily and that same fullness is in us this day. What joy that now it is all of Elohim through His Spirit and no longer anything of us. We have been saved to enter into that rest, to receive what was once afar off but now has been brought near through Messiah.

The topic of rest' in itself is manifold and will take up plenty of time to expound on. Needless to say, we are not called to do Elohim's work for Him for who is able to make the heavens and the earth, to give and take away life like Him? It is Elohim who works in us both to will and to do His good pleasure. So if it is Elohim who works, we then must rest and give leeway for the Holy Spirit to work in and through us. For the very weakness of Elohim is stronger than the strongest man, and the foolishness of Elohim wiser than the wisest of men. Thus it pleased Yahweh to put to shame the haughty in wisdom and strength of men with the simplicity of the gospel which is Yeshua Messiah. Hallelujah!

-Thursday, 22nd October 2015, 1 month 15 days, 1701

1st Service - To Fear

There is a necessity for the fear of Yahweh to be upon us. Not the natural fear which drives the body into an adrenaline rush for the terror which is to befall someone, rather the fear and/ or the respect; the admonition that Elohim is our Father rather than our Judge, Jury, and Executioner. To say that there is no more need to fear is to contradict the Word of Elohim Himself in this. There are two types of fear, one of Elohim and the other contrary; the spirit of fear. 1 John 4:18 talks not about the casting out of the fear of Yahweh but rather the spirit of fear which is an unclean spirit. To begin with, do we 'cast out' the Spirit of Elohim or unclean spirits? To cast out is to forcefully revoke the rights of a spirit to dwell in us and hereby forcing it to leave our bodies. Besides, in the same verse that very fear which is to be cast out involves torment. Surely the fear of Yahweh which is also one of the 7 Spirits of Elohim mentioned in Revelation 5:6 does not involve torment in its administration.

It becomes clearer to me that we need to have not just the Word but the Presence of Elohim as well. Having been gifted this great privilege of not only learning the words of life, but to also experience the reality of the Kingdom of heaven through Yeshua Messiah; we ought to realise that without one or the other the revelation is incomplete. Without the Word, the Presence of Elohim becomes unfiltered and can be easily misinterpreted as a presence of unclean spirits. The Word acts as a filter, a discerner of thoughts and the light of illumination to the deep things and dark sayings of Yahweh; and how are we to discern with Whom we are experiencing unless saturated in His Word?

Likewise the Presence acts as though a battery to charge the torch of the Word of Elohim to give not just partial but a full and fuller still revelation. When Solomon brought the Ark of the Covenant back into the Most Holy Place, all that was left in it was the two tablets of Moses. The Law and the Presence of Yahweh remained where these two act as a balance and counterbalance for one another. Word alone means to experience 'logos' but together with the Presence, it brings about 'rhema'. The Holy Spirit gives light to the mysteries of the Gospel for who can reveal the deep things of Elohim but Elohim Himself?

Praise Yahweh for the revelations through which we gain better understanding of the mysteries of His Word. For it is the glory of Yahweh to conceal a matter, and the glory of kings to seek it out.

-Sunday, 18th October 2015, Month 2 Day 11, 0502

Recalling Past Mementos

It is simple moments like this that make me absolute in my decision to forsake everything and to serve Yahweh all the more truer. Overnight prayer at Semarak hadn't ended yet when we arrive but was still going strong. Because of the newly brought instrument from Vietnam which I reckon we will be see a lot of from henceforth: the Cajun (car-hon). A mini rhythm drum hand made by John from Vietnam, son of Pastor Sara. A new flavour has been added into the art of worship.

Truly, my life right now is in a state of utter joy and bliss. My soul rejoices in Messiah because I am free, and free indeed. There is nothing that holds me back, neither family nor friends. Hallelujah! Early in the morning at the mamak together with my parents, brother Koh, uncle Bak, and Jeremy; we discussed the absolute poverty of the rich. Though they have much, they have nothing. Grasping at straws truly the Word of Elohim reigns in all walks of life and is true and alive this day. But that wasn't what caught me up. Over on the other side there were a group of young adults, working class I reckon; hollering and partying like no other. I look and I beheld myself there with my old friends. Had I remained in the world, I would have been just like that. Reveling in the most simple of things, spewing words out for the sake of showing off, and just become a byword amongst other people.

It truly is the hand of the Messiah Yeshua outstretched towards me that He gave His life for someone of the least of the least like me. Truly, it is His grace and mercy that now I am free from the dictates of my self, the carnal flesh, and the system of this world. Praise you, Yeshua! I will not recall my friends, I will not stoop down to such a degrading level again. I have wasted enough time as it is on them. They walk contrary to the Word of Elohim, then they walk contrary with me. I will not have any part with them whatsoever anymore. Though I have this premonition that still one remains. Through his girlfriend he is beginning to see Yeshua. Perhaps someone like him I can afford to reach out to after all. Time will tell and it's only with the backing of Yahweh will I do thus. If no, then by all means let us continue further on the strait and narrow way. Praise Yahweh!

-Saturday, 17th October 2015, Month 2 Day 10, 0617

Try not

There is still much for me to learn here. It is unbecoming of me to think that I had surmounted to much in my first month. Though, yes there were breakthroughs and revelations given; there is this sense that there is much more to it than just these. Still waters run deep and the deep things of Elohim are very much deeper than what the world can offer. Let us continue.

With this, we conclude the first month of the giving up of my life to serve Yahweh full time in His house. Looking back, there was much learned but still more of the deeper things of Elohim to tap into. Thankfully, with the encouragement by Pastor Jean I now have the resolve to continue further without the worrying that I am not doing anything or otherwise. What I can see is all merely deception at the most and what cannot be seen is my real life, Yeshua Messiah the hope of glory in me. There is nothing I can do for Yahweh in that He has not already accomplished all through His Son on the cross for me. All that is left is to rest and receive, rejoice and enjoy the things which Elohim has prepared for me.

It does not matter if I am unable to meet the expectations or accomplishments of others now. Who am I to compare to or who can be compared to me? My only pattern is Yeshua and assuredly it is in Him alone that everything will work together for good. Though I am not saying that I will not give my best with whatsoever is given unto me to do, I am saying that my best amounts to little in the kingdom of Elohim. To ascend in His kingdom, I must cease and be still and give the Holy Spirit the opportunity to work in and through me. Thus, let's do so for it is not those who works much who are able to carry out great exploits in the name of Yahweh, but only those who know Him and the Son through Whom is our passage into eternal life.

-Wednesday, 14th October 2015, Day 37, 1744

Psalm 16:9

Considering that today's my day off, one thing I have noticed is that idleness begets the lusts of the flesh, the desire of it being fulfilled. Today was practically unfruitful. What I wanted to accomplish today has been utterly set aside for the reveling of the flesh. Sigh, Elohim forgive me and has forgiven me yet again. Though sometimes I wonder whether or rather when will the physical manifestation of the crucifixion, death, and burial of my flesh come to light? In the Spirit the flesh is indeed dead but outwardly it begs to differ.

Honestly, sometimes I am baffled at where I am, what I am doing. But I praise Yahweh that now through all this repetitions I know better. The outward does not influence the inwards. It is vice versa. Once again, the fig tree which Yeshua curses to never bear fruit again. The fig tree withered from the roots up and not the other way and the curse was not immediate but overtime although I have my thoughts that in the Spirit the tree was already dead on the spot. As sons of Elohim all we have to do is confess, proclaim and it will bring about an immediate effect in the Spirit though the physical realm may tarry its effect.

Thus, about my flesh. I won't consider it. For if I do I acknowledge that the enemy is still working in me. Oh, Yeshua have mercy upon me and show me thine wondrous works. It is You Who has done all things. You have sanctified me, cleansed me, crushed satan under my feet and have put all things under me. The flesh, this flesh I commit to You continually for I know that the day draws nearer that soon all things shall come under Your ruling, Your power, Your kingdom. For in You it is finished, so let all of me be finished in You for I can no longer go on without You, oh Yeshua!

-Monday, 12th October 2015, Day 35, 2147

Spiral Theory

It is amazing to note that with just a small tear in the seam of a fabric, the whole cloth can come undone quite easily; just like my sleeping bag's container. To think that such a large sleeping bag could fit into a cloth container as small as mine. A small tear in the cloth and then my sleeping bag comes sprawling out onto the floor. Sigh, praise Yahweh. And from there I am reminded of a revelation that I had for quite some time but never got to putting it down in pen. One that I am; unfortunately all too familiar with.

It is distasteful to put one step in the mud in one moment and finding yourself completely sinking in neck deep the next. The same applies with sin and the fleshy nature of us. So long as we give in and fulfil even one single desire of the carnal flesh; feed it even once and it spirals out of control the next. Give the devil and inch and we'll find ourselves overrun the next. Like a spiral which tip is so miniscule in comparison to its body, our sins will always spiral downwards and downwards; creating larger helixes, the gap of morality and spirituality slipping and soon you find ourselves at the basest of our carnal desires once again. I am all too familiar with this as this has been my remembrance every time I desire to do what the self wants rather than what the Spirit wants. I tend to lose control of the steering wheel halfway through, unable to stop unless I crash into the person next to me. Elohim forgives me every time I repent, but even with such mercy I am still abundantly glorying the flesh and its desires.

However, I am given the blessed hope of that glorious day when I will encounter Yeshua and He will take this yoke off me. I am not without hope, though I used to be; thinking that Elohim himself could not slay the flesh which strongly contends against the Spirit within me. I have the very hope of my sanctification, Yeshua Messiah in me, the hope of glory. It is His will that I should be sanctified and He will perfect those whom He sanctifies through His blood on the cross. Therefore, I can rejoice because previously I could not; but now I can see the end of my flesh, the day is coming. Thus, the need and the guilt which is wrought on me cannot hold me against Him who has taken away my reproach, for He has forgiven me of my sins.

Though sin spirals downwards in chaotic fashion, where sin abounds grace super abounds. Hallelujah! Now my problems with the flesh, though they occur from time to time do not distress me anymore. All things will work together for good, even this to those that love Elohim; the called according to His purpose. I can see the unseen, the end of my flesh; its crucifixion, death, and complete burial of it and my true conviction, contrition, repentance, and conversion coming upon me. Truly Yeshua has taken my sorrows from me and given me a light soul for a heavy heart. A merry thanksgiving for my ashes. I am and forever will be in His care not because of who I am but simply because of Who lives in me. I end with what Paul says:

" There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in the Messiah Yeshua, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Messiah Yeshua hath made me free from the law of sin and death." (Romans 8:1,2)

-Friday, 9th October 2015, Day 32, 1828

Serving in the House

It's the first day on the job and I must say, it is grueling. What has been given me to do for the period of this month is to rebuild the fence around GP Mantin which has fallen down. Because of this many intruders particularly wild boars have been scavenging on our premise, guzzling down vegetation in the process. Thus, the work commenced and already I am feeling its aftershocks. Climbing up a steep incline while carrying burdensome loads sure makes a splendid first day. Nonetheless I give thanks for surely my own strength will have failed, but it is by the strength of Yahweh that we can carry on. For the joy of Yahweh is our strength.

My arms ache, but I am satisfied. For surely it is not man who calls me to do this. It is the Lord. So who am I, what right have I to complain against Yeshua Messiah concerning this matter when it was He who through the Spirit working in man gave me this job? Also, considering the strenuous labour of each day to come, the benefits far outweigh the negative. It is out on the field that we are truly tested, where our faith is really put through fire to see where our trust lies and in whom do we trust. I have found immense lessons just by rebuilding the fence: It is not the fences of man who protects this place but surely Yahweh who keeps and protects His house and people in it. Just like this Yeshua will once again build up the tabernacle of praise and worship, prayer and intercession; of David which has fallen down.

Ah, to taste and see that Yahweh is indeed good is so satisfying both to the spirit and to the body. Onward!

-Monday, 5th October 2015, Day 28, 2356

The Message and the Fire

Truly, what I have learnt here in the past month eclipses all the teachings of the Bible college I previously attended by orders of magnitude. Truly, Bible colleges are nothing more than a cheap imitation of the world's secular colleges. A long time ago, Bible colleges were exactly what it's name states; a school for the studying of the Bible, but now it is nothing more than a building filled with men's teachings and wisdom which according to James is earthly, sensual and demonic. The way the Holy Spirit teaches is not through classes or lecturers. It is on the field, more practical than theological. Just take David's life, he had not learnt how to kill Goliath in a classroom. He learnt it while he was shepherding his father's sheep's. He killed a bear and a lion, learnt to play the harp and had communion with Elohim while on the field. Daniel and his friends are no different. Through their great testings, their spirits were joined to the Spirit of Yahweh and they attained high position in the kingdom not because of how smart they were or how learned; it was simply because the Spirit of Elohim was with them.

This wasn't what I wanted to talk about, although sometimes being led by the Spirit we tend to move towards what He wants than what we want. Over the course of two days I have received two revelations. The revelation of suffering and the revelation of the message.

All who desire to live godly lives must suffer persecution. It is not a 'what if' or 'maybe'; it's a must. Thus, those who seek to follow Yeshua all the say must realise that His way leads to death before life and not, as most people talk about nowadays life before death. Because Elohim perfects those who are being sanctified and sanctification comes only through fire. Take gold, as impure as it is as long as it goes through fire all the dross shall be taken from it. Without the fire of sufferings in our lives how then can we be purified? It is through suffering that our faith is really tested, whether our faith is really in Elohim or not. It is also when our yokes and bondages over our lives are burnt of us. Daniel's three friends were all bound when they were thrown into the furnace. And yet it was in that fire which was supposed to be their deaths that they might their Giver of Life, Yeshua Messiah. When they came out, they were unhurt only that the ropes which bound them were burnt off. So the road that leads to the cross is suffering and death but beyond the cross is the life which we all desire. We cannot attain it if we do not take the same road of Yeshua Messiah who is our perfect example.

There is a message, and that message is Yeshua Messiah. He is the Word of Elohim and Elohim as well. If He does not abide in us, His words in us and we in him; how then can we share what we do not have? Many people; including myself at one time, Elohim forgive my impulsiveness preach to others what they themselves have not grasped. As Paul says, he preaches and desires to know nothing save Yeshua and Him crucified. We often go out intending to do Elohim a favour in advancing His kingdom when we ourselves have not come to terms with the message of the kingdom. If so then we are like Ahimaaz when he desiring to go bring news to David about the war against his son, Absalom when he has nothing to share with. He ran ahead of the Cushite who was sent out with the message and came to David first only to be set aside because he bears not the news which David seeks to hear. How often have we been like this in our ignorance. Let's get the message right before we impulsively go out, having nothing and giving nothing in return.

-Friday, 2nd October 2015, Day 25, 1834